{"id":155,"date":"2016-08-15T08:30:10","date_gmt":"2016-08-15T08:30:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/prolove4life.wpengine.com\/?p=155"},"modified":"2020-09-17T11:43:04","modified_gmt":"2020-09-17T11:43:04","slug":"sustainable-trade-tactics","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/prolove4life.com\/?p=155","title":{"rendered":"\u201cFierce\u201d (Effective) Conversations"},"content":{"rendered":"

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  1. Name the issue.<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Select a specific example that illustrates the behavior or situation you want to change.<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Describe your emotions about this issue.<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. Clarify what is at stake.<\/span><\/li>\n
  5. Identify your contribution to this problem.<\/span><\/li>\n
  6. Indicate your wish to resolve the issue.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  7. Invite your partner to respond.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    You have sixty seconds to do it all.\u00a0 Let\u2019s take these components one at a time.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

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    1. Name the issue.<\/b>\u00a0 The problem named is the problem solved.\u00a0 Name the behavior that is causing the problem and the area the behavior is impacting.\u00a0 If you have multiple issues with someone, ask yourself what\u2019s at the core, what\u2019s the theme, the commonality of all or most of your issues with this individual.\u00a0 Do the thinking to name the central issue; otherwise, the conversation will lack essential focus and you\u2019ll both end up lost and frustrated.\u00a0 For example, after thinking about everything that had occurred, Sam began his opening statement with these words; \u201cJackie, I want to talk with you about the effect your leadership style is having on the team.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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      1. Select a specific example that illustrates the behavior or situation you want to change.<\/b>\u00a0 Since you\u2019ve got only sixty seconds in which to make your entire opening statement, this example must be succinct.\u00a0 No long stories.\u00a0 Besides, if you\u2019ve ever been on the receiving end of someone who went on and on citing all the details about whatever you did that upset her, at some point either your eyes glazed over, you shut down, or you began building your defense.\u00a0 By the time she came up for air, you were loaded for bear.\u00a0 So keep this short.\u00a0 Must you have an example?\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 When someone is upset or disappointed with us but can\u2019t think of a specific example that illustrates what is irritating him, his case loses credibility and is easy to dismiss.\u00a0 Take the time to think of an example that hits the nail on the head. Let\u2019s stay with Sam.\u00a0 For example: \u201cI learned that when John was asking questions, you told him you didn\u2019t have time for private tutoring sessions and that he should work it out on his own time.\u00a0 I also learned that during a meeting with the team, you tore a page off the flip chart, wadded it up, threw it on the floor, said that this wasn\u2019t the team you had signed up for, and left the room.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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        1. Describe your emotions about this issue.\u00a0 <\/b>Why do this? Because emotions are deeply personal.\u00a0 Telling someone what emotion his or her behavior evokes in you is intimate and disarming.\u00a0 You are letting the person know that you are affected, that you are vulnerable.\u00a0 Contrary to popular opinion, I believe it actually has quite an impact to say, quietly, \u201cI am angry,\u201d if anger is what you feel.\u00a0 It helps a lot if you aren\u2019t yelling and waving your arms.\u00a0 Perhaps you are concerned, worried, sad, frightened, or frustrated.\u00a0 Describe whatever emotion is true for you.\u00a0 If you are sad or afraid, say so.\u00a0 Such emotions are experienced both at work and at home, and it is appropriate to admit them.\u00a0 For example, Sam\u2019s words were brief yet personal; \u201cI\u2019m deeply concerned and I am fearful of the possible consequences.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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          1. Clarify what is at stake.<\/b>\u00a0 In other words, why is this important?\u00a0 What do you feel is at stake for the individual whose behavior you are confronting?\u00a0 What is at stake for yourself, for others, for the customer, for the team, for the organization, or for the family?\u00a0 What is at stake for the relationship?\u00a0 Use the words <\/span>at stake.<\/span><\/i>\u00a0 Those words have an emotional impact.\u00a0 Heads will raise and eyes will lock when you say, \u201cThis is what is at stake.\u201d\u00a0 Talk about this calmly and quietly.\u00a0 What you say during a confrontation should be delivered not in a threatening manner, but simply as a clarification of why this is important.\u00a0 For example, Sam said:\u00a0 \u201cThere is a great deal at stake.\u00a0 A long-term employee has considered leaving the company rather than work with you.\u00a0 I am not prepared to loose good people who I hope will be here long after you\u2019ve gone on to your next assignment.\u00a0 Meeting our deadline is essential.\u00a0 Our reputation as a product leader is on the line, as well as our professional pride, pleasing our customers, and considerable financial gain.\u00a0 Perhaps there\u2019s little or nothing at stake for you, Jackie.\u00a0 If it doesn\u2019t work out and you leave us, you can undoubtedly get another job quickly, but for us the stakes are high.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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            1. Identify your contribution to this problem.<\/b>\u00a0 This is your answer to the quest, \u201cHow have I behaved in ways guaranteed to produce or influence the very results with which I am unhappy?\u201d\u00a0 Before we confront another\u2019s behavior, it is essential that we first look at the ends of our own noses.\u00a0 No long confession is needed here.\u00a0 With sixty seconds, you couldn\u2019t do that if you wanted to.\u00a0 What is appropriate here is a brief acknowledgment that you recognize any role you may have played in creating the problem and that you intend to do something about it.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

              I have often realized, to my chagrin, that my primary contribution is in not communicating clear expectations from the outset of a relationship or project.\u00a0 This may seem obvious, but the majority of problems I see in both professional and personal relationships are due to a lack of accountability to appropriate expectations.\u00a0 As you think about behaviors you wish to confront, you may see that most are ones you could have anticipated.\u00a0 By being clear up front regarding which behaviors and results are acceptable and which are not acceptable, you can avoid many problems, and you\u2019ll have a simpler task if you need to go back and remind a coworker or family member of the expectations he or she agreed to when the relationship began.\u00a0 For example, you might say:\u00a0 \u201cI have contributed to this problem by not reviewing your priorities and due dates with you.\u00a0 I will correct that.\u201d\u00a0 Or:\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve contributed to this problem by not letting you know months ago how upset I was.\u00a0 Instead, I withdrew, and consequently, our relationship deteriorated even further.\u00a0 For that, I am sorry.\u201d\u00a0 If you believe you did not contribute in any way to the problem, leave this part out.\u00a0 Sam recognized that he should have dealt with this sooner.\u00a0 He noted:\u00a0 \u201cMy role in creating a growing rift between you and others is that I did not bring it to your attention earlier.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

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              1. Indicate your wish to resolve the issue. <\/b>\u00a0\u00a0Use the word resolve.\u00a0 It shows that there is no firing squad waiting outside the door.\u00a0 This is not a termination or an ending. In fact, when this model is used to confront a behavior or issue, more relationships are saved than ended.\u00a0 To say \u201cThis is what I want to resolve\u201d communicates good intent on your part.\u00a0 Additionally, you should restate the issue.\u00a0 That way you will have come full circle, beginning and ending with absolute clarity about the topic on the table.\u00a0 Sam said, for example:\u00a0 \u201cThis is what I want to resolve with you, Jackie \u2013 the effect your leadership style is having on the team.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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                1. Invite your partner to respond.<\/b>\u00a0 When our own behavior has been confronted, it may have felt as if a court had found us guilty and we had simply been called in to learn the date and manner of our execution.\u00a0 In this model, however, there has been no attack.\u00a0 Instead, there has been an extraordinarily clear and succinct statement describing the reality of this particular behavior or issue from one person\u2019s point of view.\u00a0 We have been reassured that the intent is to resolve the issue.\u00a0 Now the invitation is offered for us to join the conversation.\u00a0 And the conversation has barely begun.\u00a0 For example; \u201cI want to understand what is happening from your perspective.\u00a0 Please talk to me about what\u2019s going on with you and the team.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

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                  *From the book: <\/b>Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time<\/b><\/h1>\n

                  By: <\/span>Susan Scott<\/span><\/a>, <\/span>Ken Blanchard<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

                  Berkley Trade \/ 2004 \/ Paperback<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>

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